“We have found that we had no choice except to completely change our old ways of thinking or go back to using.” Basic Text pg.22.
In honor of the upcoming best holiday ever, Halloween, let’s discuss the emotion that we all will be intentionally trying to feel, crapping our pants watching every slasher movie…fear. In recovery, it’s essential to address fear that could very quickly lead to relapse when unaddressed. Learning to overcome our fear helps decrease anxiety and can leave us feeling more empowered in recovery. When we fear something, we tend to be worried about the outcome of facing that fear. Fear can be so debilitating that it can cause us to avoid the situation entirely. We may get temporary relief from avoidance and decreasing the fear, but we are still left with the consequences of our inaction.
In group therapy, I would often facilitate an activity called “Fear in a Hat”. No matter what type of group I was leading, young, old, alcoholic, heroin, men, or women, the fears were always the same. I share this as a reminder that although fear can feel incredibly overwhelming, you are not alone in how you feel. Let’s look at some of the common fears you may experience in recovery.
Fear of relapse. We will tackle this one first as it’s usually at the top of everyone’s list. We can start by validating your fear as appropriate and reasonable. For many, the path to recovery does include a slip or return to use. The key to conquering this fear is utilizing a growth mindset. A growth mindset welcomes failures as opportunities for growth, personal change, and self-awareness. Relapse is not an eraser. You have not lost all of the insight, healing, and growth you have built up until that point. If we use each relapse as an opportunity to have a better understanding of our triggers and needs, then relapses will be fewer and further in between.
Fear of sobriety/success. We don’t always recognize this one, so I wanted to touch on it early on. You might be asking how in the world can I fear the one thing that I am fighting for the most? Like the reasons we use, there are underlying thought patterns that tell us we are not enough, that we don’t deserve to be happy, and we suffer from crippling low self-esteem. “After everything I’ve done, I don’t deserve to have a stable, happy life in recovery.” Again, this is often on a subconscious level, so the risk of self-sabotage is extra high without understanding this fear and its roots. Part of your recovery program should include addressing and healing the way you view yourself to work through this fear. I promise you; you do deserve happiness.
Fear of feeling. I’ve heard substance use disorder referred to as the disease of emotions. Abusing substances acts as a protective layer to keep us from feeling the pain. In early recovery, these emotions are no longer suppressed, and fear of feeling can lead us back to the bottom of a bottle. The emotions can be overwhelming, and a large part of recovery is learning new coping skills to sit with the emotions.
Fear of loneliness. People, places, and things. We learn in recovery that we are not safe and easily triggered by certain people and places. We have to say goodbye to old using “buddies”. Sometimes we can miss the chaos, the lifestyle, or the hustle just as much. You may fear a lack of fun and be triggered by boredom. You may fear people won’t like the new sober you, that you are no longer the life of the party. This comes back to your worth and what type of people you want and think you deserve in your life. Do you want “friends” that encourage your use, that only enjoy being around you when you’re high, or do you want friends that show up for you in the same way you will show up for them in sobriety.
Fear of change. There is comfort even in the pain. Our bodies and minds become addicted to what we know and what feels familiar. We might feel change is more out of our control in recovery and find it difficult to accept the things we cannot change. The reality is, although we’ve spent years avoiding the issues, it doesn’t mean they aren’t still there. Change is the only constant and allows us to reach a new level of self-awareness and healing.
If we don’t want fears to sabotage our recovery, we can take steps and learn new skills to address the fear head on. Acknowledge the fear and don’t avoid it. Focus on the present moment through mindfulness. Journal. Decide if the fear is rational or irrational. Seek support. Fear is a sign that you want more for yourself, it means you care. Fear can be a helpful guide if we are willing to listen.
