It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Being addicted to the very thing that causes our suffering. But that is, as we all know very well, substance use disorder. It doesn’t matter the pain or suffering that ensues, we want the very thing we shouldn’t want more than the air we breathe. So with that understanding, it makes sense that we could also become addicted to our own stress cycles, the chaos, the drama, you need it, you crave it. Let’s explore the science behind how this happens, how it can show up in your life, and what to do to tackle the stress monster that leads to relapse and unhappiness.
The American Psychological Association stated in a study that 24 percent of Americans experience extreme stress on a regular basis. Another study found that 63 percent of the U.S. worries about the future of the country, 62 percent about money, and 61 percent about work, and stress levels have been steadily increasing over the last decade, not to mention the effects of a global pandemic.
Stress often gets a bad rep, but the reality is that stress on a primal level can protect us. Stress is designed to spring us into action as the saber tooth tiger attacks, oh wait, wrong decade. Our ancestors needed to have the ability to react quickly to threats, and stress released all the good stuff in the body including adrenaline to make this happen. Unfortunately, our bodies still respond the same way as it did to a tiger then, to rent being due and fighting with our partner now. Our bodies are in a constant state of stress wreaking havoc on our nervous system.
An understanding of how stress hormones work in the body, helps us understand just how addicting stress can become. When we experience stress our body releases neurotransmitters to help us cope, changing the physiology of the body on a cellular level. Because stress is habitual and most of us experience it on a daily basis, we constantly strengthen the neural pathways. The neural pathways become so strong that we subconsciously seek these stress neurotransmitters to obtain the same experience over and over again. We have now successfully changed the reward system of the brain and made ourselves dependent on our own chemical responses, fantastic (insert sarcasm). Even though the stress brings about agony and pain, we still feel rewarded. A literal “high” just like our substance of use. And just like our substance of use, we often seek more stress to get the same high.
In this case, it’s not something external, like Jack Daniels or opiates that we are addicted to, it’s internal, raging a war inside of us. This is what makes being addicted to stress so hard to spot and have full self-awareness of. I see this unawareness present in so many of my clients who don’t understand why they feel so stuck in the same unhealthy relationship, the same stressful unappreciated job. They are telling me they want to change but continue to repeat the same patterns repeatedly in situations that are designed to cause more stress. Have you seen friends in early recovery who use stress to distract from the real work, start fights, get into new toxic relationships, wait till the last minute to pay that bill, or focus on other people’s drama… yup that’s all stress cross dependency and doing anything they can to release those feel good neurotransmitters now that their substance of use is gone.
If you are starting to have a light bulb moment and think this sounds like a cycle you may be stuck in, there is hope! Self-awareness is the first step. Befriending your emotions will help, so start practicing mindfulness to stay in the present moment with any stress or emotions that arise. This is a skill that needs time, practice, and patience as many of us are stuck on autopilot and not always tuned in to our mind and bodies. Especially in active use, we have perfected the art of avoidance and distraction. Turn to people you trust for feedback and practice a daily meditation to decrease stress dependency. Practice compassion as you increased awareness of your own behaviors. We are all doing the best we can with the self-awareness we have at the time and it is common to feel shame for our past behaviors. You are not your past and you are not your past mistakes. Just look at you reading right now how to break free from the stress cycle…you’re growing and evolving and I’m damn proud of you for it!
