Family Recovery
“Suppose you have a hundred-acre forest and in that forest there is disease or sickness. All the trees are sick. It is a sick forest. Suppose, then, you go to the forest one day and you take one of those sick trees and temporarily uproot it and put it under your arm.
You walk down a road and you put it in a nursery where there is good soil. Or, you take a young person.
You take them out of the community and you put them in treatment.
So now you have this tree in good soil, and it gets healthy because it is getting sun and rain. It is getting well. It is turning green. You get this tree to be well and you take this well tree back to the sick forest. What happens if we take a well tree back to a sick forest? It gets sick again.”
– Don Coyhis and Richard Simonelli
Everyone reacts differently during a family crisis.
Behind every individual diagnosed with a substance use disorder is a loved one suffering in pain. Families are often ashamed to share how challenging it can be to love someone that has burned bridges, broken hearts, and hit “rock bottom” too many times.
If family members don’t understand each other’s experiences, misunder-
standings, communication breakdowns, and other problems can result.
Substance use disorder takes a toll on the family unit.
Family members become short-tempered or irritable with each other, leading to arguments and friction.
They may lose interest in activities or perform poorly at work or school. Children may be clingy, demanding, or act out. Teenagers may become argumentative, angry, demanding, or rebellious. Individuals may feel neglected and misunderstood.
Some family members may work so hard to help loved ones that they neglect to look after themselves.
Individual family members may feel less attached or involved with one another.
Parents may experience emotional or sexual problems in their relationship. Everyone feels exhausted and wants support but cannot give much in return.
We must heal the tree AND the forest.
Your loved one affects the family, and the family affects your loved one. They are linked and inseparable in the context of family recovery. One’s healing relies on the other’s healing.
Understanding distress reactions and their effect on family dynamics can help the family cope.
Family recovery is a lot of work. Now is time to focus on you and your well-being. Because without a quality of life that makes you happy, you will face burnout in trying to support your loved one through the recovery process.