Individual Therapy

“We repeat what we don’t repair.”
– Christine Langley-Obaugh

In one day, you think 60,000-70,000 thoughts!

That is a whole lot of opportunities for your brain to lie to you with belief systems that tell you – you will never be enough, you are not worthy of being loved, you can’t do this, and the pain will always be with you.

Ninety percent of those thoughts are the same as the day before.

When we repeatedly stay stuck in the same thoughts, our minds and bodies do not feel change is possible for the future.

Our brain’s primary job is to keep us safe and alive for as long as possible. The brain equates safety with the familiar. So, we engage in patterns that we learned early on in life, even if they are destructive behaviors, because it’s what we know.

Are you stuck in the same thought patterns?

Let’s think about this morning when you woke up. What were some of the first thoughts of the day? You are already dreading work, the commute, and that big project due soon. You think, “I need coffee. I must shower. Is it Friday yet?”

You are thinking about everything you need to do that day. You immediately grab your phone and start scrolling, reading negative headlines from the news, and comparing your life to “friends” on social media.

Your body has already activated its stress response first thing in the morning to prepare your mind and body to cope with these stressful thoughts.

Your heart rate increases, breath shortens, chest and muscles tighten, and your body releases stress hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol, changing the body’s physiology on a cellular level – all before you’ve stepped foot out of bed.

Stressful thoughts can be addictive.

Being addicted to the very thing that causes our suffering seems counterintuitive. Doesn’t it? Our bodies start to crave the feelings associated with a trauma response and stress. But why?

Stress is chronic, and most of us experience it daily, constantly strengthening neural pathways in our brain. The neural pathways become so strong that we subconsciously seek these stress neurotransmitters to obtain the same experience repeatedly. We have now successfully changed the brain’s reward system and made ourselves dependent on our chemical responses – fantastic (insert sarcasm).

Even though the stress brings about agony and pain, we still feel rewarded. (It might be the only time we feel anything at all.) A literal “high” just like our use of drugs. We often seek more stress to get the same high.

Without understanding this stress cycle, we will not know why we feel so stuck in the same toxic relationship, arguments, stressful unappreciated job, or even find ourselves relapsing again.

Trauma has rewired the brain to feel uncomfortable in the calm.

We don’t feel like “ourselves” if we don’t have that powerful stress response and cortisol rush that feels like it will keep us safe, so we subconsciously create situations that cause pain.

Instead of living life, we remain stuck using our brains to shelter ourselves from life.

We know we want to change but repeat the same patterns repeatedly in situations designed to cause more stress.

Let’s change the thoughts that no longer serve you.

There is hope if you start to have a light bulb moment and think this sounds like a cycle you may be stuck in! Self-awareness is the first step. We are all doing the best we can with our self-awareness, and it is common to feel shame for our past behaviors.

You are not your thoughts, history, and past mistakes. Understanding why we become addicted to the stress cycle/substances and how they shape our behaviors allows us to remove the belief system that says it is our “fault.” Making this change is something we were unable to do on our own.

You are not a failure, and you are not unworthy of love. Right now, this page explains how to break free from stress cycles and destructive behavior patterns, encouraging you to reach out for support on your path to change – already, you’re growing and evolving. I’m damn proud of you for it! You are your own best healer.

It’s time to break the cycle. It’s time to heal. It’s time to grow.