Al-Anon is spot on when they talk about the “Three Cs.” We didn’t cause our loved ones substance use disorder; we can’t cure it; and we certainly can’t control it. Only the person afflicted with the disease can do that. When we try to defy that logic, we end up spinning our wheels and making ourselves sick. We become the fallout from our loved ones use, fighting a battle that we can’t win. And we forget about taking care of ourselves. David Sheff from his brilliant book Beautiful Boy, shared “I finally chose life for myself.” And when I did? Everything in my world started to improve – including my son. I began therapy; went to support group meetings; read a bunch of self-help books; started eating healthier; and treated myself to a new bike so I could exercise regularly.”
To help illustrate how vital self-care is, I love to use the analogy of oxygen masks on airplanes. Before taking off, a flight attendant instructs you that you should put your own oxygen mask on before trying to help others in an emergency. Why do you suppose that is? Because if you’re not breathing properly, you won’t be able to help anyone else. In the end, the whole group will suffer. So think of self-care as your oxygen mask. By giving yourself the love, attention and respect you are entitled to, you get the “oxygen” you need to keep on breathing. This allows you to be in the best condition possible to assist your loved one when they need it. You’ll be able to think much more clearly and effectively, and your day-to-day life will improve exponentially.
